I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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