bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
