I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
