Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
