My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
