Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
