this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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