We're like a lot better than the average bears
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
