Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
