so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
