If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
