If that was your dad, he is hot
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
