Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
