This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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