She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
accomplished twins. life is a go
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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