You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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