Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
