He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
