Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
