I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
