Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
