watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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