i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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