chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
