If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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