dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
