too bad you live with your parents still
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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