My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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