I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
