Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
