She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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