You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
