I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
