My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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