i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
