New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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