Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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