can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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