I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude. I can hear the air.
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