Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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