Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Welp...herpes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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