Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
