She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
