i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
