i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
