The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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