the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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