So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
