I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
