I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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